Dear Professor Blackstone,
I would like to take this opportunity to formally introduce myself. I graduated with a diploma in environmental management and water technology from Singapore Polytechnic in 2015. Currently, I am a student pursuing a degree in civil engineering in SIT.
I used to assume that engineering is not a well known occupation. My impression changed while I was studying in Singapore Polytechnic as my course is a mixture of environmental and civil engineering. The lecturers that taught civil engineering modules in the course piqued my interest in civil engineering as they taught with passion and experience. This made me realised that civil engineering is more than just a job. It could help to improve the standard of living and make an impact in the world. Therefore, I decided to apply for this course and pursue my interest.
I worked in Republic Polytechnic and Civil Service College as an administrator in hopes to enhance my communication skills. These jobs required me to interact heavily with students and clients. To execute my job properly, I had to stay alert to listen and understand the other party in order to answer queries that were posed to me. From these working experience, I learnt that I am able to understand the other party well and communicate professionally in the working world as I was able to help them effectively.
In terms of my weakness in communication, I tend to stutter and speak in broken sentences to bring my message across to my audience. I will repeat around the same point in fear that my message would not get conveyed clearly, resulting in rushing through the presentation.
One of my goals in this module is to be more proficient in my presentation skills and be more precise in bringing information across to my audience. I would also like to improve my writing skills. I believe that this module will be beneficial in my studies as well as my future career.
I look forward to future classes.
Thank you.
Yours Sincerely,
Au Wei Ming
Revised:
29/01/18
19/02/18
23/02/18
Commented:
Gordon
Huan Choon
Haziq
Umar
Revised:
29/01/18
19/02/18
23/02/18
Commented:
Gordon
Huan Choon
Haziq
Umar
Dear Wei Ming,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and informative post. I enjoyed learning about your evolving interest in taking up engineering as you provide concrete details on your experience in poly. You also detail the other areas required in the assignment, including your review of several highlighted comm skills.
In terms of language use, here are a couple points to take note of:
1) sentence structure
-- Since young, have no interest in being an engineer as I think that engineering is not a well known job. >>> (missing subject)
2) possessive
-- peoples lives >>> ?
3) phrasing / spelling
-- Few months before enlisting to national service, I worked in Republic Polytechnic and Civil Service Collage as administrator in hopes to enhance my communication skills.
4) verb tense inconsistency
-- These jobs required me to interact heavily with students and clients. In order to execute my job properly, I have to stay.... >>> ?
Despite these minor issues, you've done good work here. I look forward to working with you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Hi Brad,
DeleteI apologise for the late response. Thank you for taking your time to read my letter and giving a valuable feedback. I have amended my letter based on your feedback.
I look forward to larning more from you.
Regards,
Wei Ming
Dear Wei Ming,
ReplyDeleteYour letter is concise and descriptive. I enjoyed reading your blog post. I think it is nice that you are able to construct such concise sentence yet capturing the essence of what you are thinking.
Your letter is also written completely without necessary information that is miss out.
Hope you can achieve the goals that you have set out for yourself in this module.
Best regards,
Gordon
Hi Gordon,
DeleteI apologise for the late response. Thank you for taking your time to read my letter and giving a valuable feedback.
Lets work together to achieve our goals in this module.
Regards,
Wei Ming
Hi Wei Ming,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very well written and informative post. I really enjoyed reading it but I also have some feedback to share. In your first paragraph when you are introducing yourself, I feel that you should not direct the audience as a singular person but keep it general. For example, "I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself". In your second paragraph, first line, I feel that it would sound better if you change the word "think" to a past tense. Apart from these minor issues, you are good to go. Thank you and I look forward to seeing you in class.
Best wishes,
Huan Choon
Hi Huan Choon,
DeleteI apologise for the late response. Thank you for taking your time to read my letter and giving a valuable feedback. I have read your comment and updated my letter based on your feedback.
I look forward to seeing you in future lessons!
Regards,
Wei Ming
Hi Wei Ming
ReplyDeleteYou have provided a detailed reflection on your educational background, and elaborated well on one communication weaknesses. In addition, your reflection is well organised. Good work!
However, there is still room for improvement. You have missed out 'I' in 'Since young, have no interest in...' I would suggest to use the word 'realise' instead of 'understand' as the former is more appropriate in the context 'This made me understand that civil engineering is more than just a job.' Also, do kindly take note of the spelling mistake 'Civil Service Collage'.
Let's work together and improve on our weaknesses.
Regards
Shih Chieh
Hi Shih Chieh,
DeleteI apologise for the late response. Thank you for taking your time to read my letter and pointing out my mistakes. I have amended my letter based on your valuable feedback.
I look forward to working with you and improving together!
Regards,
Wei Ming
Hi Wei Ming, you're most welcome. I am glad that you find my feedback useful. Likewise, I look forward to learning with you in this course.
Delete